Monday, April 4, 2011

To drink or not to drink....?

Hmm. Had a bit of a tough day. Not tough compared to saving the world from man-eating sponges and not tough compared to driving an aerial taxi in your vest.. .... but tough compared to winning an Oscar for Best Supporting Underwear and then going home to cheese on toast and a Lambrusco with Colin Farrell. It was definitely tougher than that.
It has centred around provision for a child -my child- with special needs to go to secondary school. It depresses me just to have the need for the meeting.  Anyway, in the scheme of things, I am hugely lucky with her as she is as happy as the day is long and the more I see of this world, the rarer I know that to be.
Actually, I can learn so much from her. She is unfailingly cheerful and copes with her limitations unquestioning -for the most part by ignoring them. She gets the biggest cheer at sports day from all the parents, reducing some of them to tears with her gung-ho cheerful determination to compete and finish in the best time that she possibly can. In her first year at school, a teacher nearing retirement came up to me (having taught my eldest two children too) saying:
"You have a very special child there". if I didn't know that..:)
And yet..and yet... every physio appointment, every meeting with the paediatrician, every school review leaves me feeling hollow. I want someone to scoop me up and put me in bed and smooth my hair and tell me it's all going to be alright. Instead, I am just exhausted.

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