Sunday, July 3, 2011

Trial By Trimphone

Never did finish all those words. Just did the 750. Ah well, the best laid plans are just a way of teasing yourself.
The bipolar rat bit me in the again last week and the week before.

I had several days of staring vacantly at the TV, thinking that the noise and sound hurt my head but somehow remaining magnetised to it and constantly eating junk food. I did not even contemplate my Comfort Box (new readers can catch up from the archives, this is NOT a Deep Throat situation)

Let's see! From now on, I think we can accept that 'Going a bit Funny' follows triggers and I like to think of these triggers as  allergies. F'r instance, I am often allergic to alcohol and so can go a bit funny with unsuitable young servicemen  or other folks' husbands.

Hence, I am now teetotal. I'm not sure exactly how long I have been teetotal but I think it's in the region of 5 weeks, 31 hours and 47 minutes, broadly speaking. I do not think I feel any different at all and am not craving alcohol, although I seem to be eating an awful lot of grapes!

Anyway, I have recently rediscovered that I am currently allergic to my friend and neighbour. She knows something is up and so keeps turning up with all sorts of excuses; I assume it's (a) to catch the allergy unawares by sneaking up behind it, or (b) to try to issue a vaccine surreptitiously.........  Dream sequence follows this image accompanied by harp music


 " What would that shell suit look like with the sleeve rolled up to where your tattoo of the barbed wire starts?" 


"It looks like this, Dear Friend and Neighbour"

Then thwack! It would be in with the hypodermic and we would be back singing 'The Road to Amarillo'  before you can order half a cider and Babycham.

Or (3)  it's to get to the bottom of stuff without asking or saying anything relevant.

I'll hazard a guess she's plumped for option 3. You don't have to be Poirot.

Unfortunately, despite my intention to explain - without causing offence - that the allergy is caused by a similarity in my child hood experiences and her current situation, the moment  that I see her, all the energy drains out through my feet and I feel exhausted, confused and panicky and just cannot wait for her to leave. I am down like a skittle.
I then have to spend the rest of the day comatose and pray that the next day is better.

Fortunately, it usually is. Unfortunately, she invariably pops round again with some flimsy excuse from her Getting-to-the-bottom-of-things-without-conversation Battle Plan, and we all go round the merry-go-round once more.
I would write her a letter to explain but letters bring her out in hives - that's something to do with her own childhood. I s'pose I could call, but I am 98% sure that the allergy has no respect for telephonic boundaries, and if there's anything worse than a face to face meeting without saying anything, it's not saying anything by telephone.
My Grandad used to do that (before he died, obviously)

Brrp, brrrp!  ( It's a trim phone)

"Ahhhh!" I'd hear him state

" Grandad?"

 silence.............

"Grandad?...... Are you there?"

silence ...... then..............a bit more silence....................

"Grandad, you phoned me!"

How much worse would it have been if I hadn't answered him!
Any ideas, received with gratitude.


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