Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Quite a lot has happened since we spoke last.
is going on and it's been difficult to meditate or to ground myself at times but then feel that I am 'never going to be ill again' at others. I sometimes liken my cyclothymia to autism in as much as I seem to completely withdraw when things get difficult for me; this makes things 10 times worse and then difficult to get out of. For instance, I hadn't called anyone who had agreed to be on my 'Tornado Helpline'. I hadn't taken anything out of my 'Comfort Box', I hadn't listen to my guided mediation tape, hadn't walked, hadn't ..... Then my psychotherapist (P) simply forced me to make eye contact and I had the tools to help myself.
So, what has brought this about? Well, it has been a truly sh*tty time really. All those things that are sent to try us, have arrived at my door at the same time.So, whilst stressed, I am susceptible to the thing that affects me most; the fear of/danger of illness. ..it sends me into a tailspin. We all have our own triggers, and this is mine.
Yet,each time illness is even hinted at, I simply plummet without warning - screaming all the way down as though the earth has given way to a void beneath. I completely forget that I am wearing a parachute. So until I can do it for myself, the brilliant P has agreed to pull the rip chord for me.
I must remember that the choice whether to panic or not, is in fact mine.
Off for my daily fix of The Gilmore Girls now...it's like an illness in itself. xx
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